"Has it been 7 years already?" spock *For more posts similar to this one, seeThe People in Japan
Due to my beloved Isles making yet another rare playoff appearance..........
Gilles.... to Nystrom....He scores!
Yep, I was part of the cast and crew as well. I was easily spotted walking the streets with a chu-hi in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I could also have been seen talking to random people in the backstreets and dives trying to learn as many foul Japanese phrases in Osaka-ben as possible........
And to all you Flyers Freaks out there.........I thank YouTube for providing me immortal evidence proving once and for all..........that HE WAS NOT OFFSIDES!!!!!
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
"Hom'ma!!!! ほっんま?!?!" *For more posts similar to this one, seeLife in Japan
Kushi-katsu / おなかへた！！
These are just some of the things that I find to be the most surprising things that the Japanese love. If you have anything you'd like to add, please post a comment.
Mayonnaise (マヨネーズ)
Toast for Breakfast (食パン)
Hard Boiled Eggs (ゆで卵・ゆでたまご)
Pizza (ピザ)
Tabasco Sauce (タバスコ)
Deep Fried Skewer / Kushi-katsu (串かつ)
Demiglace Sauce (デミグラス)
Hamburg Steak (ハンバーグ)
Yogurt (ヨーグルト)
Pringles (プリングルズ)
KFC (ケンタッキー)
Tommy Lee Jones (トミー・リー・ジョーンズ)
Avocado (アボカド)
Coffee (コーヒー)
Melons (メロン)
Strawberries (イチゴ)
Corn Dogs (American
Dogs) and Wieners (アメリカンドッグ・ウイナー)
Sno-cones (shaved
ice/kaki-koおri) (かき氷)
Straight Bourbon
Whiskey (バーボン)
Corn (コン)
Horumon - Organ Meat (mostly Osaka) (ホルモン)
Curry (カレー)
Nan (ナン)
Draft Beer (なま)
Sweet Potato (焼きいも・やきいも）
Non-Food
Horse Racing (競馬・けいば)
Pachinko (パチンコ)
Marathons/ Running / Track and Field (陸上・りくじょう)
Figure Skating (スケート)
Swimming (水泳・すいえい)
Inquiring about your penis size (これぐらい？)
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
*For more posts similar to this one, seeLife in Japan
If you've ever tried to learn and actually speak a second language in a foreign country, you know that fate will inevitably find you in an unavoidable, frustrating and awkward circumstance. Yep, sometimes you will not be understood at all. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you point to in your phrase book or dictionary, at times you will fail miserably to get your point across. Asian languages in particular pose daunting pronunciation and grammar issues for Westerners, and Japanese is no exception to this axiom.
However, just because you are not being understood doesn't necessarily mean that you are not speaking correctly. Let me introduce you to a very special case of cross-cultural semantics... "Being Japanized." I honestly don't know what else to call this situation - a friend of mine called it this once and it stuck...
For those of us who have experienced "Being Japanized," we know that it's not just simply a case of being misunderstood......... It's something even deeper and more mysterious.
It's an absolutely confounding scene. While it's happening and long after, you will explain it away by simply assuming that the Japanese person couldn't quite understand your wicked foreign accent. You may even think that perhaps you used the wrong words or that your grammar was piss poor. Sometimes this will be the case, but believe me, sometimes it absolutely will not.
Enter Ron Burgundy --- "I don't speak Spanish."
When I saw Anchorman again a few years ago, this scene killed me.
The only reason that I can say that this happens for sure is that it happened to me many times. The first time I verified it was when after a waitress melted down and started saying "No English," she ran to get her supervisor. They both came back, then I said the exact same thing in Japanese to the supervisor and had no problem what-so-ever. After this first time, I noticed it much more frequently.
Let me attempt to explain how it usually goes down. Bear with me.
When you are in Japan, you will of course have ample opportunity to speak Japanese to many native speakers. So, you will take the opportunity to slowly but surely gain command of an arsenal of phrases that you can and do use in many situations. However, on occasion you will find yourself not getting your point across. Even though you are saying something you've said hundreds of times and you're convinced that you are saying just fine, you just can't get the person to understand you.
It's frustrating for sure! We've all been there. You will usually blame your own mistakes for the mix-up (as well you should). HOWEVER, there will be one time, one time when you will swear that whoever you are talking to thinks you are speaking ENGLISH!!! Welcome to the club....you've most likely been............... Japanized.
Could it be? Nah......no way!!! But it's true......Believe it...... It happens...... And more frequently than you will notice!
The situation will become absolutely bizarre because they will start to have what amount to full blown panic attacks. They will shake, grunt, utter strange phrases, avoid any kind of eye contact and appear to be ready to pass out. Finally, they'll say something similar to "No English" or "English No," then attempt to get away. If they are working in a store or shop, they will bolt to get someone to help them.
I know that it's hard to believe, but it actually happens quite often. If you have the ability, watch for it.
I'm assuming that it's prerequisite for the people who Japanize you to have no ability to speak English at all, because they seem to automatically assume that they can't understand you.
I don't even pretend to understand this phenomenon. It ranks way up there with Hello...Bye, Bye in its magnitude of strangeness, but being Japanized occurs much more rarely.
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
"My back hurts, my arms are asleep.......this SUCKS!!"
"I gotta have sex on this thing?! Wuh!?!" "F#CKING HELL this is uncomfortable!!" "NOW my legs are F*CKING asleep!!! F*CK this shit!!!" "I can't FU@KING sleep!!" "#od Damn Kink in my neck!!!" "Am I the only one who hates these F#CKING things?!?" "Now, I'm supposed to roll this piece of shit up?!" "And, put it where?!" "And I'm supposed to hang it off the balcony?!" "And beat it with this stupid F$CKING thing?!" "They look so cool on TV and the internet!!!" "Why didn't anyone warn me about these FUC&ING things!?" Every Non-Pod Person at One Time or Another
*For more posts similar to this one, seeLife in Japan
OK, here is the problem. When you are told that you will have a futon to sleep on in Japan, you automatically think you are going to have one of these.............
NOT ONE OF THESE THIN ASS PIECES OF.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND!!! That you need to beat with one of THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL - THE - TIME!!!!
Nuff said..............
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
"So, (wink, wink) how many do you need....actual native speakers that is....ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaa"
I'm going to describe the general process that enables a completely dysfunctional system to insult every foreign teacher that steps foot in Japan. I'll revisit this subject in many future posts. Boards of Education and other entities such as businesses and private school programs that use English instructors basically bid over the services of the local gaijin-san through a 3rd party agency. English teachers in Japan may as well be a bunch of farm products: eggs, milk, cow, pig, hay. Dispatch/Temp agencies basically put in a bid to provide the requested X number of teachers for X number of working days for X number of yen to local schools and businesses. Not unlike what goes on anywhere else. These agencies simply try to undercut each other. The results are disastrous to the English teacher who is already established and living in Japan. There is no real union or any kind of organization available and most teachers are transient, at best. This is how the bid process works:
Addict: "Hey!!!! I need some English teachers, and I need them now....nowwww....starting next month.....20 oughta hold me for the year...."
****The bidding process in Japan typically begins sometime in February. The municipal budgets are approved shortly after, then the bids are approved in early to mid-March. Do your own math to figure out how agencies have enough native English teachers ready and waiting to start the school year during the first week in April. (The answer is that they never do -- which of course leads to the blanket email)
The Now Extinct Agency: "Well, we can hire English teachers for you!! We'll find them and make sure they come to your school fully trained and ready to go. We'll recruit overseas in person. We'll make sure all their visas and passports are solid. We'll give them a few weeks of training at our headquarters about how to survive, er...um...I mean live...um...er...teach in Japan's school systems!! We'll need to give them at least 35 large a year. Of course, this would need to be a yearly salary including all training, school vacations and national holidays. Oh yeah, they also require a few sick/personal days (I know, they're so demanding). Also, we only deal with experienced, qualified and dedicated teachers who will undergo a fairly lengthy interview process. This is to ensure that you only get the best. So, it may take awhile for us to get everyone to your town, get them set up in adequate apartments, make sure they are comfortable, etc....this is a completely foreign country to them you know....things can be a bit stressful and difficult at times for many of them."
The Addict: "I don't know, that's pretty expensive....and does it really make a difference how experienced they are? They don't really do that much. Our teachers do all the work. And this is Japan, it's easy for everyone to feel comfortable. How hard can it possibly be to find comfortable housing and support for foreigners? There are plenty of reasonably priced apartments near our school. Can you discount your bid? After all, we have no money...............we're poor Japan..........."
Enabler Agency One: "Did someone say DISCOUNT!!! Hey!!!!! Lookie here........I can get 20 native speakers to you with no paid vacations and no paid holidays!!! Right NOW!!! Just pay them for the time worked and we'll prorate for the rest of the year...they won't mind. Everyone else is moving towards this model anyway....Whatever you want my friend......You want them for the lowest price? I got you covered!! 25 large a year!! Max!!! Oh, and don't sweat the taxes and national health insurance laws.... our contracts are specifically designed to avoid all that jazz baby!"
Addict: "Hmmm.....well, can't we get them for lower? I mean, they all live together and their families give them money from home, don't they? And Japan is safety country! They should feel safe living here. It's in their best interest to come to Japan."
Enabler Agency Two: "Oh yeah!!! That's right!! You are correct!!! I forgot about that!!! Westerners are very altruistic and rich. They don't need to get paid. And!!! They love safety. That's what they are all about. I have a bunch of English speaking foreigners over here that are in Japan solely out of the goodness of their hearts. (suckers) They are willing to work for a total of only 6 months out of the year!! AND here's the best part!! You can pick the days that they have off!!! That's right!!! They will be required to live in Japan all year (well, not required but basically they won't be able to afford to go home), AND!for the dates you choose for them to be not at your schools, you don't have to pay them!!! AND, AND!!! They won't mind it!!! They'll love it!! The most you'll have to pay each teacher for the year is about 15 large. And don't you worry about how they'll make ends meet when they're not working. We have programs in place to support them (wink, wink). Don't you worry Ms. Addict-chan. Here's a cigar.... It's a big Cuban. I heard that you people like to smoke."
Addict: "That makes total sense!!! WOW!!! They don't need a full time job subsidized by my city after all!!!! And there ARE plenty of jobs that they can do whenever they want.....they can practically set their own hours and make really good money here in Japan!!!! Wow!!! You're right Mr. Enabler Agency Guys #2 People!!!! Those altruistic phantom teachers are some really nice people!!! That's GREAT!!! I think I'll take YOURS........."
Enabler Agency Two: "Thank you for your business.....
Sully the Lifer
Let us introduce you to the supervisor.... He's a real go-getter!! He was just down in Nigeria trying to illegally forge some visa documents. A little trouble at the border, but we've sorted everything out. Anyway, here he is.... Sully the Lifer. He has lot's of experience. We do full background checks so don't worry."
Mo F. Ron
And here's the senior teacher in charge of the training.........his name isMo F. Ron.
*For more posts similar to this one, seeSafety Japan
Japan: where your life expectancy is longer... Unless you live next to one of these mother forkers....perhaps.
Yep, those are apartment verandas
These things are everywhere. They buzz, snap, crack, pop, spark, catch fire, burn up, explode and emit electromagnetic fields of debatable levels of influence on the human body. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a place that had this lovely view.
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
Yeah, I do!! I have the greatest idea ever!!!! If you haven't seen it yet, go here NOW!
In all seriousness, this is all you need to be a successful English teacher in Japan.
PIN!! PON!!! BOOOOOOO!!!!!! This post up to the public. If you have a good idea that works and doesn't require a handout (print)..... post it here to the comments section. Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
The clubs. Understanding how the clubs in a Japanese school operate gets you one GIGANTIC step forward in your quest to understand Japanese society as a whole. Clubs are basically anything that we, in the West, would consider an extra-curricular activity.
The main differences with Japanese clubs/teams is that once you join a club/team, you may as well have joined some sort of militaristic cult. You can NOT quit!!!! Nor can you change clubs.....EVER!!!! (well, except for one day a year) Nor can you do more than one club.
As a student, you are EXPECTED to be in a club activity. It is highly recommended (wink, wink) to join a club..... not being in a club is highly unusual.
ASB/Student Council is considered a club, but students can do other things beside being the class president.
The Clubs and Teams
Here are the main clubs that you will find in almost every Japanese junior high/high school of adequate size. Of course, everything depends on the size of the school and student interest. These are simply the most popular and are in no particular order:
Art/Manga (mostly girls participate)
And you think I'm being cheeky calling clubs a militaristic cult?
There you have it. Those are the most common clubs. I've seen some strange ones while in Japan though. Flamenco guitar club always sticks in my memory as a strange one.
Practice, Practice, Practice
The clubs practice just about every day of the year (weather permitting) including weekends, summer break, spring break and winter break (except for a few days due to New Year's). Some schools are really bad and make the kids practice before and after school.
Summary
It still boggles my mind when I think about how serious and strict most of these clubs are. Also, the importance that is given to the club activities in relation to the overall educational experience in Japan is baffling to an outsider. The kind of dedication and commitment that is ingrained through the clubs is something that every Japanese person has in common. It's a HUGE part of Japanese society and is mostly not known or appreciated fully by anyone who has not spent considerable time at a Japanese school. Anyone interested in learning about Japanese culture should definitely conduct research in this area.
See my blurb about seniority (senpai/kouhai) in school activities here..
I could go on for days on this subject.......... so, as usual I'll cut it short and ask:
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
A no-show is when a student that has already paid for and scheduled a lesson mysteriously doesn't show up for it. It's the greatest chunk of unexpected free-time you'll ever have in Japan. After 15 minutes the lesson is cancelled and you are free to go smoke a few cigarettes and sneak a chu-hi.
For those of you that don't know, an Ei-kai-wa (lit. English Conversation) is the general term used for any of the millions of English conversation schools in Japan. If run correctly, they can be very effective. Unfortunately, most are not usually run very well, so everyone, including the owner, winds up hating it. Teachers are worked to the bone for low pay, so they don't try hard and don't give a rats ass most of the time.
Working at an English conversation school in Japan has its advantages and disadvantages for a teacher:
Advantages:
Steady work and steady pay (albeit low).
Students try hard, are appreciative and well-behaved.
Adequate air-conditioning and heat (this should not be taken lightly in Japan).
Brutal daily lesson schedule (you are way too busy and have no prep time)
Lame lesson topics, grammar points and vocabulary lists that you must adhere to.
Terrible lesson materials such as texts and manuals.
Shitty daily wage for the amount of BS you have to put up with.
The Supervisor
Having to pretend that you love your job and living in Japan.
No raises, no national holidays off.
No bonus of any kind.
Unpaid training.
Yep, it's a job that most people, except the Pods wind up hating. It's not unlike any other job in that respect, I guess.
The big joke about the eikaiwa is that they present themselves to the Japanese public as having the best trained teachers and yadda, yadda, yadda. But, most people who go to Japan to teach English are just out of college and have absolutely zero experience in teaching. They also usually have absolutely no desire to teach. Anyway, here are a couple of pics that sum up the joke to me...............
Would you like to learn from a professional? Or maybe a Charisma Man?
Come and learn English from me! I'm cool! I'm Charisma Man!
Charisma Man
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
Here's where it gets really weird. The first thing you need to know is that there is no such thing as a 'sick day' in Japan as Westerners know.
As you would imagine, taking a day off in Japan is not something to trifle with. If you're a foreigner, then the Japanese will let you slide for the most part because they expect you to not be as dedicated and committed to the cause.
However, as an English teacher, more than likely you will not get any paid sick days.....EVER! There are some contracts out there that will accommodate some sick days, but they will be called personal days or something like that.
You will always have the option to request a day off beforehand, but even this process is arduous. Trying to get a day off will lead to excuses such as death in the family and extreme things that you would not use back in your home country because it's usually not as big a deal to get a day off. In Japan it is the biggest pain in the ass you could ever possibly imagine and then some. You will get the biggest guilt trip of your life laid upon you.
Just to give you a little taste..... I requested a day off for personal reasons about two months in advance. The real reason was that I wanted to watch the Super Bowl of American Football -- the grand final. It just so happened that it turned out to be the one where my beloved New York Giants whipped up on the Patriots.
***Time Diff. Alert: Super Bowl starts at around 8:20 Monday morning***
Anyway, the company did their routine and said they needed to give the school a better reason than a personal day, so I told them I had a personal commitment. Then I gave them the "it's a private and personal matter" story.
We went back and forth for about a week on this, and they just kept busting my balls, "We need to give the school a reason!" So, I finally told them that I had a job interview with a better company on that day.
Of course, there's no chapter in the Japanese playbook on how to deal with this kind of foreigner excuse. So, after what was probably a series of crisis control meetings at the home office, they finally got back to me and asked me not to tell anyone at the school and just to pretend like I called in sick on that day. So I did. WTF. Welcome to Japan.
I never requested another day off after that. God forbid you should need a day off because you have an appointment with a doctor....ugh. Anything related to getting time off from work is one of the worst things about living in Japan.
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
"Why isn't there anywhere to sit down?" tired gaijin
*For more posts similar to this one, seeLife in Japan
If you look closely, you will notice that the only people not in motion in Japan are the following people:
Smokers huddled around an ashtray
A bum
Teenagers hanging out outside a convenience store or public park (sometimes smoking)
A completely lost and confused person
Someone taking a picture
An elderly citizen sitting on a park bench
People asleep in public (which is actually quite common)
Yep, that's about it.
Why? I have no idea why. Welcome to Japan. Japan has a point A to point B mentality. In other words, haul ass from point A to point B because everyone does it and if you don't you are a lazy sloth.
I want to get this guy out of the way now because a lot of the characters that I cover later on are simply an extension of Non-Acknowledgement Guy (NAG).
I'm not professionally qualified to psycho analyze NAG, but I lived in Japan long enough to be qualified to offer a few quality observations and some analysis on this very mentally unstable character.
NAG is on the verge of developing a full-blown mental disorder that will put him in with Dropkick Joey and the Unicorns (people who develop a mental illness directly attributable to living in Japan - more on them later).
NAG is a fellow foreigner who has become SO sensually over-loaded by Japan that he lives in a world of his own. NAG will neither respond to nor acknowledge you when you say hello - even if you are standing in front of him or her and literally looking at their face from a few feet away. NAG is bizarre.
A NAG can be spotted easily. He is usually a short, overweight, white male human who is reading a book with dark sunglasses and headphones on. The native habitat for this animal is a subway or train platform. Other notable places to enjoy a non-acknowledgement guy sighting are Starbucks and McDonald's.
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
The moral of this story is not to ever invite a Japanese person to go hunting with you. You can literally hear them coming from a mile away.
For some reason A LOT of Japanese love to drag their feet when they walk.
The sounds of Japan.
Sit down on a bench (if you can find one) somewhere near a busy sidewalk in any city in Japan. Then, close your eyes and just listen for the sounds of grating wooden heels, shuffling rubber sneakers and sandals, clanking high heels and boot heels, and last but not least, scraping plastic.
Ugh!!
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
Of course, these people are everywhere. But they are highly noticeable in Japan because there are just not enough foreigners around to camouflage them.
They drift around Japan pretending to be cash strapped and hard-up for teaching gigs.......the trusties.
Trusties are everywhere around the globe be-bopping their way around the universe or roaming the earth like Kung-Fu. But the ones in Japan are a unique breed mostly because there is only one job that they can get away with faking............. Trusties pose as English teachers.
They never tell you what their schedule is. They never say exactly what school they work for. They like to have barkeep jobs at night to keep up an appearance of working hard moonlighting.
The trusties likes to tell you about how many countries they've been to. They may even throw a North Korea in your face.
Trusties likes to fly back to the states for a week - of course buying their tickets the night before they take-off (nearly impossible for English teachers)
While the rest of us are working our ass off and having very little to show for it, Trustie likes to tell you about how they spent the weekend in some exotic place in a nice resort in a far off little town in Japan.
HEY TRUSTIE!!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!! You are not fooling anyone.
Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!
