Three Finger Jack

Three Fingers
The Yak Guy

"I own this place"  three finger Jack

*For more posts similar to this one, see The People in Japan

This is simply a post about how to spot someone involved with the Yakuza:

• He routinely roams the streets in a Rolls Royce at negative speed through the back streets of Shinsaibashi.
• He stores and lines up his Ferraris on the first floor of an unsecured parking garage so that anyone can walk by them at anytime of the day.
• Drives a car with all fours or eights on the license plate -- or just the number one.
• He says that he works in construction, yet works out of his home and doesn't own a drawing table or anything even related to construction.
• Same guy as above, yet is always in the bar until the sun comes up.....all week.
• He parks his Buggati in front of run down apartment building in a crappy part of some Japanese city.
• He owns an expensive and exclusive nightclub in a not so nice part of the city.
• He has a missing finger or two....or three................or four.
• Has conspicuous tattoos, especially on the hands, forearms and/or neck.
• He is well dressed (mafia style) and throwing punches at someone in the middle of the street.

Note on tattoos: Tattoos and Yakuza are so closely associated in the Japanese collective consciousness that you still cannot patron most health clubs (gyms), sentou (銭湯 - public baths) and pools if you have a visible (at any time, e.g. while changing in the locker room) tattoo.

Yep, I've met many Yaks during my time living in Japan. Of course, I lived in East Shinsaibashi and Nishinari (the most notoriously nasty Japanese neighborhood) for a total of close to 5 years, so I have seen these guys lurking around.... a lot! Yes, they do exist and in a far greater number, and with far more local influence than any Japanese person would ever want to admit.

Tsutenkaku

Wide open narcotic/opium trade on the streets near Tsutenkaku.
Gambling houses, prostitution, pay-offs, bribes.....
All this stuff is protected by the local Yaks.

Newsflash: The Yakuza were having a rough time recruiting due to the economy!!??! Fake Fingers??!!??

The rule of thumb here is to try to stay away from any close dealings with Japanese dudes that have any number of  fingers cut off of their hands.....or maybe you like that sort of thing.....

The Yak guy is without question the most dangerous native species found in the Japanese outback. Any sighting or close contact should be handled with extreme prudence.

By the way, Three Finger Jack is an actual nickname given (by my old roomie and me) to an actual Yak Guy in Osaka.

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? Got any Yak stories that aren't too long? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Fellow Foreigners - The Hostesses

The Russian Hostess

The Celebrities

"Whoa! Who was that?"  a tourist or FOB

*For more posts similar to this one, see The People in Japan

I've been neglecting the Fellow Foreigners for quite some time, so without further adieu, let me introduce a very special group.........the Russian Hostesses.

Here's the deal. Gorgeous Russian women come to Japan to work as hostesses. They get paid for various services at Japanese hostess clubs. They can get paid particularly well for performing just their actual job duties .......................however...

They are tall, voluptuous and pack a serious attitude.

RH: "Ooh...my mah-thah is sick back in Russia....she's poor.... she needs money....oohhh.... I'm so sad...."

And the loaded Japanese 'salaryman customers' fork over tons of cash to them. It's a simple formula as old as time itself. The only difference about how this age-old social mechanism manifests itself in Japan is that its SO F*&KING OBVIOUS!!!! Well, maybe that's the point.

The easiest way to spot a Russian Hostess (aside from going to a hostess club) is to look for a tall and inappropriately glamorously dressed woman walking directly next to a 5 foot tall 50+ year old Japanese guy in a suit -- this is a 99.9% positive sighting. The only way to get the confirmation level to 100% is to try to say hi to her directly after the sighting. If you receive a frighteningly evil look of death, then she's a Russian hostess. When in the wild, there is no other fellow foreigner more terrifying than the Russian hostess......

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Getting Hired - The Blanket Email

An Act of Desperation

"Are you alive? Do you have a valid visa? You're hired."  
various hiring managers

*For more posts similar to this one, see General Working Conditions

This is an addendum to my previous post A Dozen Englishes Please. 

OK, what we have here is a very simple situation. Like I wrote in A Dozen Englishes Please, the Boards of Education accept bids from companies providing English teachers to their schools approximately 2 to 3 weeks before school starts. The problem with this formula is that NO company can possibly have enough teachers hired at the time the bids are accepted. The companies simply never know exactly how many teachers they will need, so it's impossible for them to prepare properly. 

So, what the companies are forced to do is very simple. First, they immediately scour their databases looking for anyone who they have prescreened in the past and send out a blanket email.

Now, I've included a real live email that I received a few months ago in this post to help explain:

Dear all,

My name is (Japanese person) from (X company) and
we were in contact before.
We are currently looking for qualified native English instructors.

The positions that are opening now are both a full time and
as well as a part time.

If any of you are interested, please do let me know!

Thank you.

Best regards,
(Japanese person)
(X company)

The next step for the company is to wait for zombie teachers to take the bait and reply. After that, the company will get back to the zombie teachers alarmingly quickly and try to set up a Skype interview.

Recently, the schools have been moving to Skype "interviews" because they can run through them faster and they can save money on transportation costs (good thing about Japan is that the company always pays for your transportation costs, or at least most of them).

The jist of the "interview" is simply to confirm that zombie teachers are alive, willing and able to work for whatever crappy contract they have available. If you can show up, you are hired. Since only zombie teachers (who are currently unemployed and just as desperate to find a gig as the company is to fill them) answer the email in the first place, the company will hire on the spot.

The symbiosis is complete -- かんぺきです！

In case you are wondering.....Yes, I've been .... zombie teacher. It's a very common way to get an English teaching job in Japan these days. And when that contract is up, the cycle starts all over again.

Another thing the companies do to fill the open positions has to do with ...... The Non-Native Speaker. I'll save that for another day.

As always, if you have anything to add, let me know!

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Things Japanese Don't Do Well

This Just Will Not Do

"What the hell!?!?"  tired gaijin

"That's ham?!? OK...If you say so....." gaijin-san

*For more posts similar to this one, see Life in Japan

Again, I'm not talking about the obvious stuff here....... everyone knows that the Japanese tell jokes worse than the Germans....oh, you didn't? Hm....Well, the Japanese can tell a funny story, but that's a different matter altogether. Here is a short list of things that the Japanese surprisingly stink at doing well.......Big Swing and a Miss!!

• Sandwiches of any kind - unless you like a lump of mystery meat between two slices of mystery      bread.
• Jokes - My theory is that Japanese grammar doesn't lead a joke well....funny stories yes, jokes no.
• BBQ - Why are there more vegetables on the grill than meat? Barbecued corn? OK....yum, I guess.
• TV shows/dramas - I don't even know where to begin. It's a bad sign when the almost all of the most popular dramas on TV come from other countries. Imagine a really bad soap opera... a Japanese TV drama smells a lot like that.
• Pro Sports - except, of course, baseball!! and even that gets a little weird once you get over the newness of the experience.
• Sports Bar/Pub - Find a really cool place to watch the big game.... good luck. 
• Brew House - A brewpub in Japan is in name only.
• Beer - Seriously, if you think the beer is good..... well, I'll stop right now.
• Coffee - If it's not imported, it's not good.  Brew it well, yes.... roast it, no.
• International Sporting Events ( The Homer Theorem) - If Japan isn't playing, attendance and TV coverage is nill.
• Socks (Sox) - Try buying a decent pair of sox in Japan.... I dare you.
• Ovens - Try baking a cake in Japan..... I dare you.
• Bagels - unless you call soft round bread a bagel, of course.
• Sarcasm - AH!!! American Joke....
• Lingerie / Bra --- What's with all this frilly s%$t
• Condoms -- This is the last product on earth that you want to have to experiment with hoping to find one that won't tear on you.......

As always, if you have anything to add to this page, write a comment or send me an email.

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Things Japan Does Extremely Well

Things You Can't Get at Home

"Holy Sh$t dude! This is kinda awesome!"  surprised gaijin

*For more posts similar to this one, see Life in Japan

Everyone has heard of the bullet train. This is an obvious thing that Japan does extremely well.

But what about the not so obvious things that Japan does surprisingly well? The Japanese absolutely NAIL some things that you probably never crossed your mind....

Here they are, in no particular order:

Food

• Cream Puffs (I love it when you call me beard pa-pa)
• Waffles/Hot Cake (Manekin)
• Dessert Crepes (any filling you desire)
• Deep Fried Food - Chicken, Kushi-katsu
• Hot as Hell Curry (Japanese style)
• Carbonara Sauce (bacon....yummmmm)
• Corn Dogs (American Dog to you sir)
• Canned Coffee (Boss? Did someone say Tommy Lee Jones?)

Non-Food

• Mega Book and Electronics Stores
• Massage Chairs
• Saunas
• Health Club / Gym (Doubters out there beware...I dare you to find cleaner gyms anywhere)
• Revisionist History (read a history book)
• Service (Obvious? Perhaps, but.......)
• Taxi Cabs
• All night drinking
• A picnic (see Hanami)
• Over-reacting to the delicious first bite of a meal or first amazing sip of a beer

Help me out if you can think of anything else.........

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Yes, we exist

The Islander Fan

"Has it been 7 years already?"  spock

*For more posts similar to this one, see The People in Japan

Due to my beloved Isles making yet another rare playoff appearance..........

Gilles.... to Nystrom....He scores!

Yep, I was part of the cast and crew as well. I was easily spotted walking the streets with a chu-hi in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I could also have been seen talking to random people in the backstreets and dives trying to learn as many foul Japanese phrases in Osaka-ben as possible........

And to all you Flyers Freaks out there.........I thank YouTube for providing me immortal evidence proving once and for all..........that HE WAS NOT OFFSIDES!!!!!

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Surprising Things That Japanese Like

Kushi

Surprise, Surprise

"Hom'ma!!!! ほっんま?!?!"  

*For more posts similar to this one, see Life in Japan

Kushi-katsu / おなかへた！！

These are just some of the things that I find to be the most surprising things that the Japanese love. If you have anything you'd like to add, please post a comment.

• Mayonnaise (マヨネーズ)
• Toast for Breakfast (食パン)
• Hard Boiled Eggs (ゆで卵・ゆでたまご)
• Pizza (ピザ)
• Tabasco Sauce (タバスコ)
• Deep Fried Skewer / Kushi-katsu (串かつ)
• Demiglace Sauce (デミグラス)
• Hamburg Steak (ハンバーグ)    
• Yogurt (ヨーグルト)
• Pringles (プリングルズ)
• KFC (ケンタッキー)
• Tommy Lee Jones (トミー・リー・ジョーンズ)
• Avocado (アボカド)
• Coffee (コーヒー)
• Melons (メロン)
• Strawberries (イチゴ)
• Corn Dogs (American Dogs) and Wieners (アメリカンドッグ・ウイナー)
• Sno-cones (shaved ice/kaki-koおri) (かき氷)
• Straight Bourbon Whiskey (バーボン)
• Corn (コン)
• Horumon - Organ Meat (mostly Osaka) (ホルモン)
• Curry (カレー)
• Nan (ナン)
• Draft Beer (なま)
• Sweet Potato (焼きいも・やきいも）

Non-Food

• Horse Racing (競馬・けいば) 
• Pachinko (パチンコ)
• Marathons/ Running / Track and Field  (陸上・りくじょう)
• Figure Skating   (スケート)
• Swimming   (水泳・すいえい)
• Inquiring about your penis size (これぐらい？)

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Being Japanized

Not Being Understood

(in either language)

"I was speaking Japanese... I swear I was."

 A Japanized Gaijin-san

*For more posts similar to this one, see Life in Japan

If you've ever tried to learn and actually speak a second language in a foreign country, you know that fate will inevitably find you in an unavoidable, frustrating and awkward circumstance. Yep, sometimes you will not be understood at all. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you point to in your phrase book or dictionary, at times you will fail miserably to get your point across. Asian languages in particular pose daunting pronunciation and grammar issues for Westerners, and Japanese is no exception to this axiom.

However, just because you are not being understood doesn't necessarily mean that you are not speaking correctly. Let me introduce you to a very special case of cross-cultural semantics... "Being Japanized."  I honestly don't know what else to call this situation - a friend of mine called it this once and it stuck...

For those of us who have experienced "Being Japanized," we know that it's not just simply a case of being misunderstood......... It's something even deeper and more mysterious.

It's an absolutely confounding scene. While it's happening and long after, you will explain it away by simply assuming that the Japanese person couldn't quite understand your wicked foreign accent. You may even think that perhaps you used the wrong words or that your grammar was piss poor. Sometimes this will be the case, but believe me, sometimes it absolutely will not.

Enter Ron Burgundy --- "I don't speak Spanish."

When I saw Anchorman again a few years ago, this scene killed me.

The only reason that I can say that this happens for sure is that it happened to me many times. The first time I verified it was when after a waitress melted down and started saying "No English," she ran to get her supervisor. They both came back, then I said the exact same thing in Japanese to the supervisor and had no problem what-so-ever. After this first time, I noticed it much more frequently.

Let me attempt to explain how it usually goes down. Bear with me.

When you are in Japan, you will of course have ample opportunity to speak Japanese to many native speakers. So, you will take the opportunity to slowly but surely gain command of an arsenal of phrases that you can and do use in many situations. However, on occasion you will find yourself not getting your point across. Even though you are saying something you've said hundreds of times and you're convinced that you are saying just fine, you just can't get the person to understand you.

It's frustrating for sure! We've all been there. You will usually blame your own mistakes for the mix-up (as well you should). HOWEVER, there will be one time, one time when you will swear that whoever you are talking to thinks you are speaking ENGLISH!!! Welcome to the club....you've most likely been............... Japanized.

Could it be? Nah......no way!!! But it's true......Believe it...... It happens...... And more frequently than you will notice!

The situation will become absolutely bizarre because they will start to have what amount to full blown panic attacks. They will shake, grunt, utter strange phrases, avoid any kind of eye contact and appear to be ready to pass out. Finally, they'll say something similar to "No English" or "English No," then attempt to get away. If they are working in a store or shop, they will bolt to get someone to help them.

I know that it's hard to believe, but it actually happens quite often. If you have the ability, watch for it.

I'm assuming that it's prerequisite for the people who Japanize you to have no ability to speak English at all, because they seem to automatically assume that they can't understand you.

Can I get a psychologist please??!!?? Why does this happen?  This could be a good place to start if you want to look into this bizarre behavior a little more in depth and scholarly.

I don't even pretend to understand this phenomenon. It ranks way up there with Hello...Bye, Bye in its magnitude of strangeness, but being Japanized occurs much more rarely.

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

The Art of Sleeping in Japan

The Futon

"$esus Fu#KING #HRIST!!!

"My back hurts, my arms are asleep.......this SUCKS!!"

"I gotta have sex on this thing?! Wuh!?!"
"F#CKING HELL this is uncomfortable!!"
"NOW my legs are F*CKING asleep!!! F*CK this shit!!!"
"I can't FU@KING sleep!!"
"#od Damn Kink in my neck!!!"
"Am I the only one who hates these F#CKING things?!?"
"Now, I'm supposed to roll this piece of shit up?!"
"And, put it where?!"
"And I'm supposed to hang it off the balcony?!"
"And beat it with this stupid F$CKING thing?!"
"They look so cool on TV and the internet!!!"
"Why didn't anyone warn me about these FUC&ING things!?"
 Every Non-Pod Person at One Time or Another

*For more posts similar to this one, see Life in Japan

OK, here is the problem. When you are told that you will have a futon to sleep on in Japan, you automatically think you are going to have one of these.............

NOT ONE OF THESE THIN ASS PIECES OF.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND!!!   That you need to beat with one of THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL - THE - TIME!!!!

Nuff said..............

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Commodity Trading

A Dozen of Englishes, Please

"I don't really like this one, can I get a different one?"  
eikaiwa student/BOE

*For more posts similar to this one, see General Working Conditions

"So, (wink, wink) how many do you need....actual native speakers that is....ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaa"

I'm going to describe the general process that enables a completely dysfunctional system to insult every foreign teacher that steps foot in Japan. I'll revisit this subject in many future posts.

Boards of Education and other entities such as businesses and private school programs that use English instructors basically bid over the services of the local gaijin-san through a 3rd party agency. English teachers in Japan may as well be a bunch of farm products: eggs, milk, cow, pig, hay. 

Dispatch/Temp agencies basically put in a bid to provide the requested X number of teachers for X number of working days for X number of yen to local schools and businesses. Not unlike what goes on anywhere else. 

These agencies simply try to undercut each other. The results are disastrous to the English teacher who is already established and living in Japan. There is no real union or any kind of organization available and most teachers are transient, at best.

This is how the bid process works: 

Addict: "Hey!!!! I need some English teachers, and I need them now....nowwww....starting next month.....20 oughta hold me for the year...."







****The bidding process in Japan typically begins sometime in February. The municipal budgets are approved shortly after, then the bids are approved in early to mid-March. Do your own math to figure out how agencies have enough native English teachers ready and waiting to start the school year during the first week in April. (The answer is that they never do -- which of course leads to the blanket email)




The Now Extinct Agency:    "Well, we can hire English teachers for you!! We'll find them and make sure they come to your school fully trained and ready to go. We'll recruit overseas in person. We'll make sure all their visas and passports are solid. We'll give them a few weeks of training at our headquarters about how to survive, er...um...I mean live...um...er...teach in Japan's school systems!! We'll need to give them at least 35 large a year. Of course, this would need to be a yearly salary including all training, school vacations and national holidays. Oh yeah, they also require a few sick/personal days (I know, they're so demanding). Also, we only deal with experienced, qualified and dedicated teachers who will undergo a fairly lengthy interview process. This is to ensure that you only get the best. So, it may take awhile for us to get everyone to your town, get them set up in adequate apartments, make sure they are comfortable, etc....this is a completely foreign country to them you know....things can be a bit stressful and difficult at times for many of them."

The Addict:    "I don't know, that's pretty expensive....and does it really make a difference how experienced they are? They don't really do that much. Our teachers do all the work. And this is Japan, it's easy for everyone to feel comfortable. How hard can it possibly be to find comfortable housing and support for foreigners? There are plenty of reasonably priced apartments near our school. Can you discount your bid? After all, we have no money...............we're poor Japan..........."

Enabler Agency One:   "Did someone say DISCOUNT!!! Hey!!!!! Lookie here........I can get 20 native speakers to you with no paid vacations and no paid holidays!!! Right NOW!!! Just pay them for the time worked and we'll prorate for the rest of the year...they won't mind. Everyone else is moving towards this model anyway....Whatever you want my friend......You want them for the lowest price? I got you covered!! 25 large a year!! Max!!! Oh, and don't sweat the taxes and national health insurance laws.... our contracts are specifically designed to avoid all that jazz baby!"

Addict: "Hmmm.....well, can't we get them for lower? I mean, they all live together and their families give them money from home, don't they? And Japan is safety country! They should feel safe living here. It's in their best interest to come to Japan."

Enabler Agency Two:    "Oh yeah!!! That's right!! You are correct!!! I forgot about that!!! Westerners are very altruistic and rich. They don't need to get paid. And!!! They love safety. That's what they are all about.

I have a bunch of English speaking foreigners over here that are in Japan solely out of the goodness of their hearts. (suckers) They are willing to work for a total of only 6 months out of the year!! AND here's the best part!! You can pick the days that they have off!!! 

That's right!!! They will be required to live in Japan all year (well, not required but basically they won't be able to afford to go home), AND!  for the dates you choose for them to be not at your schools, you don't have to pay them!!! AND, AND!!!  They won't mind it!!! They'll love it!! The most you'll have to pay each teacher for the year is about 15 large. And don't you worry about how they'll make ends meet when they're not working. We have programs in place to support them (wink, wink). Don't you worry Ms. Addict-chan. Here's a cigar.... It's a big Cuban. I heard that you people like to smoke."

Addict:  "That makes total sense!!! WOW!!! They don't need a full time job subsidized by my city after all!!!! And there ARE plenty of jobs that they can do whenever they want.....they can practically set their own hours and make really good money here in Japan!!!! Wow!!! You're right Mr. Enabler Agency Guys #2 People!!!! Those altruistic phantom teachers are some really nice people!!! That's GREAT!!! I think I'll take YOURS........."

Enabler Agency Two:    "Thank you for your business.....

Sully the Lifer

Let us introduce you to the supervisor.... He's a real go-getter!! He was just down in Nigeria trying to illegally forge some visa documents. A little trouble at the border, but we've sorted everything out. Anyway, here he is.... Sully the Lifer. He has lot's of experience. We do full background checks so don't worry."

Mo F. Ron

And here's the senior teacher in charge of the training.........his name is Mo F. Ron.

Addict:   "Kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!! Sugoi!!!!!!!!!! Shiawase!!!!!!!! We're soooooooo happy!!!!"

Electrical Transformers

Safety Japan

Electricity and Magnetic Fields

"Japan is Safety Country" [sic]  urban legend

"What's that buzzing sound?" people in Japan

*For more posts similar to this one, see Safety Japan

Japan: where your life expectancy is longer... Unless you live next to one of these mother forkers....perhaps.

Yep, those are apartment verandas

These things are everywhere. They buzz, snap, crack, pop, spark, catch fire, burn up, explode and emit electromagnetic fields of debatable levels of influence on the human body. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a place that had this lovely view.

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

ABC's of School Teaching

The Fundamentals of 
Teaching English in Japan

"Does anyone have any good ideas about.......?" ALT internet post

*For more posts similar to this one, The Art of Teaching English in Japan

Yeah, I do!! I have the greatest idea ever!!!!  If you haven't seen it yet, go here NOW!

In all seriousness, this is all you need to be a successful English teacher in Japan. 

PIN!! PON!!! BOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This post up to the public. If you have a good idea that works and doesn't require a handout (print)..... post it here to the comments section.

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

Club Sports and Activities

The Clubs

(Sports Teams and Clubs)

"Why are they practicing at 7:00AM?" confused ALT
"Is this a cult?" american exchange student in Japan

Judo via Kanji
Long Ju and Do sounds

*For posts similar to this one, see Being in a Japanese School - Culturally

The clubs. Understanding how the clubs in a Japanese school operate gets you one GIGANTIC step forward in your quest to understand Japanese society as a whole. Clubs are basically anything that we, in the West, would consider an extra-curricular activity. 

The main differences with Japanese clubs/teams is that once you join a club/team, you may as well have joined some sort of militaristic cult. You can NOT quit!!!! Nor can you change clubs.....EVER!!!! (well, except for one day a year) Nor can you do more than one club. 

As a student, you are EXPECTED to be in a club activity. It is highly recommended (wink, wink) to join a club..... not being in a club is highly unusual. 

ASB/Student Council is considered a club, but students can do other things beside being the class president.

The Clubs and Teams

Here are the main clubs that you will find in almost every Japanese junior high/high school of adequate size. Of course, everything depends on the size of the school and student interest. These are simply the most popular and are  in no particular order:

1. Art/Manga (mostly girls participate)

   

   And you think I'm being cheeky calling clubs a militaristic cult?

2. Brass Band (mostly girls participate)
3. Ping-pong (boys/girls team)
4. Badminton (boys/girls team)
5. Basketball (boys/girls team)
6. Swimming (boys/girls team)
7. Boys Soccer
8. Girls Softball
9. Boys Baseball
10. Girls Volleyball
11. Soft Tennis (boys/girls team)
12. Track and Field (boys/girls team)
13. Cheer (HS only)
14. English (mostly girls participate)

Some schools have clubs that are not very popular, but popular enough to see quite often:

Kendo Club

1. Kendo
2. Karate
3. Boys Volleyball
4. Crafts/Home Ec./Cooking, etc.
5. Girls Dance/Jazz Dance
6. Science/Natural Science
7. Library/Reading
8. Rugby
9. American Football (private schools only)
10. Girls Lacrosse

There you have it. Those are the most common clubs. I've seen some strange ones while in Japan though. Flamenco guitar club always sticks in my memory as a strange one.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The clubs practice just about every day of the year (weather permitting) including weekends, summer break, spring break and winter break (except for a few days due to New Year's). Some schools are really bad and make the kids practice before and after school. 

Summary

It still boggles my mind when I think about how serious and strict most of these clubs are. Also, the importance that is given to the club activities in relation to the overall educational experience in Japan is baffling to an outsider. The kind of dedication and commitment that is ingrained through the clubs is something that every Japanese person has in common. It's a HUGE part of  Japanese society and is mostly not known or appreciated fully by anyone who has not spent considerable time at a Japanese school. Anyone interested in learning about Japanese culture should definitely conduct research in this area.

See my blurb about seniority (senpai/kouhai) in school activities here..

I could go on for days on this subject.......... so, as usual I'll cut it short and ask:

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!

The Conversation Schools

The World Famous Ei-kai-Wa

    "YES!!! A No Show!" every eikaiwa teacher

Ei-kai-wa

*For posts similar to this, see Teaching Jobs in Japan

A no-show is when a student that has already paid for and scheduled a lesson mysteriously doesn't show up for it. It's the greatest chunk of unexpected free-time you'll ever have in Japan. After 15 minutes the lesson is cancelled and you are free to go smoke a few cigarettes and sneak a chu-hi.

For those of you that don't know, an Ei-kai-wa (lit. English Conversation) is the general term used for any of the millions of English conversation schools in Japan. If run correctly, they can be very effective. Unfortunately, most are not usually run very well, so everyone, including the owner, winds up hating it. Teachers are worked to the bone for low pay, so they don't try hard and don't give a rats ass most of the time.

Working at an English conversation school in Japan has its advantages and disadvantages for a teacher:

Advantages:

1. Steady work and steady pay (albeit low).
2. Students try hard, are appreciative and well-behaved.
3. Adequate air-conditioning and heat (this should not be taken lightly in Japan).
4. Occasional no-shows.
5. Some freedom in how you run a lesson.
6. Showing up hungover or still drunk is expected.
7. Extremely, and I do mean EXTREMELY difficult to get fired.
8. Can be fun, sometimes.
9. Guys get to wear a shirt and tie - gals can wear just about anything.

Disadvantages

1. Shit hours and shifts, late nights and weekends.
2. You have to smell bad breath.
3. You have to work with Pod People and Charisma Men.
4. Brutal daily lesson schedule (you are way too busy and have no prep time)
5. Lame lesson topics, grammar points and vocabulary lists that you must adhere to.
6. Terrible lesson materials such as texts and manuals.
7. Shitty daily wage for the amount of BS you have to put up with.
8. The Supervisor
9. Having to pretend that you love your job and living in Japan.
10. No raises, no national holidays off.
11. No bonus of any kind.
12. Unpaid training.

Yep, it's a job that most people, except the Pods wind up hating. It's not unlike any other job in that respect, I guess.

The big joke about the eikaiwa is that they present themselves to the Japanese public as having the best trained teachers and yadda, yadda, yadda. But, most people who go to Japan to teach English are just out of college and have absolutely zero experience in teaching. They also usually have absolutely no desire to teach. Anyway, here are a couple of pics that sum up the joke to me...............


Would you like to learn from a professional? Or maybe a Charisma Man?

Come and learn English from me! I'm cool! I'm Charisma Man!

Charisma Man

Do you have a question about Japan or a topic that you are interested in that you haven't found on this blog? If so, please tell me about it in a comment. I will get a post up about it as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!!